Love And Be Loved

Dedicated to all who fit the bill.

Love is the most complex emotion I have ever experienced. It has so many sides and shades that sometimes I wonder if it is still love. How can you love a person one minute and want to kill them the next? How can you love a person and yet hurt the person so much? You know it will kill him when he finds out, but you do it anyway. You know he is hurting inside, but it does not stop you from lying in the other man’s bed. Love. Is it really that complex, or do we just make it that way?

I am particularly concerned about women who do not know how to love themselves. If a woman does not know how to love herself inside and out, then how can she love another? If a woman cannot treat herself like the queen that she is, then how can she make a man treat her like one? How can you convince people that the building is on fire if you are calmly lying under your blanket? The world we live in is a monkey-see-monkey-do world; it is a world where leaders lead by showing examples. No one can love you better than you can love yourself, so if your love for yourself is fifty percent, then how can you expect a man to love you one hundred percent?

I get very sad (more like enraged) when I see a woman in a relationship where she is giving her all to a man and getting almost nothing back in return. I mean, seriously, let us get real here; ask yourself these questions: why can’t he call? Why can’t he say I’m sorry? Why can’t he explain his actions? Why can’t he do it for me? Why can’t he accept my apology? Why can’t he understand where I am coming from? Why can’t he do it my way for once? Why can’t he be sweet to me? Why can’t he stop being malicious to me? Why can’t he remember my birthday? Why can’t he get me a birthday gift? Why can’t he spoil me? Why can’t he treat me the way I treat him? Why can’t he stop hurting me? Why can’t he love me back? Why??? My guess is that you cannot answer any of these questions rationally. Now ask yourself again – why can’t I stop loving him? Ladies, love with your heart and think with your head.

We, women have the tendency to do imprudent things. We know our man is treating us like last month’s Chinese food, but instead of facing our problems head-on, we make excuses for our man’s absurd behavior(s). As women, we want to be cared for; we want to be treated like queens, we want to be held, and we most definitely want to be loved. If a man is causing you to cry on occasions that any sane person would not be crying, then you should know something is wrong. If you have to call your man’s phone on his birthday and cry your eyes out on his voicemail because he is too angry at you to pick up, then something is wrong. If you have to beg your man to pick up your calls and talk to you, then something is wrong. If you cry more than you laugh, then something is wrong, and if you are ready to be with your man regardless of what he may do to you, then something is definitely wrong with you. I do not know what is wrong with you; is it low self esteem or just unadulterated lack of common sense?

Believe me, love is not that complicated. Relationships are not easy, but they are really not that hard either. When two people have understanding, patience, trust, and a big dose of maturity, love can not only be born, but can also be nurtured (by both partners, and for both partners) to reach its fullest potential. Forget about love at first sight; it does not exist. Your mind is only playing tricks on you. Yes, you may have dreamt about him last night, and the love you made felt so real (in fact, you are still dripping), but that was only because you thought about him before you went to bed. Wake up and smell the coffee (or tea – which ever one you prefer).

Seriously, why are you still in this relationship? Is it the sex (if sex is involved)? Is it the companionship? Is it the feeling of knowing that someone somewhere has you as number two on their speed dial (that’s if he cares enough to put you on his speed dial)? Is it the fear of being lonely? Is it the convenience? Money? Or do you just think you will never find someone else to want you enough to commit to you? What is it? Better yet, why is he still in this relationship? Could it be because of the convenience and all the ‘privileges’ that come with said convenience? I mean, if you break up with him, who will cook for him? Who will do his laundry? Who will warm up his bed? Who will run his little errands? Who will buy him gifts on his birthday? Who will cry on his voicemail? Who will beg for his attention? Who?

If you think this through with your head, and your head tells you that you are in a good relationship, then your head must not be properly hydrated. Some of you are living in denial (yes, I’m talking to you; stop pointing at your chest in confusion and looking around); you tell yourself that the only reason why you are putting up with his bullshit is because you are not married yet, but as soon as you get married, things will change. Yeah, right! As a poor man (unmarried), you should not take anything right now that you will not take when you become rich (married). Your desire for meat should not lead you to call a cow your brother. Be honest with yourself; put yourself first, and love yourself because ‘you are fearfully and wonderfully made’ (Psalm 139:14).

What – are you surprised I quoted the Bible? Don’t be ooooo. I happen to be God’s favorite; you better ask about me!